I have been for the last few weeks limpin from utg with a monster hand with somewhat good success, but will change that strategy after tonight. When losing a hand I immediately have froze time and replayed the hand in my head to see what I could do differently to have won the hand.
I was dealt QQ utg so I limped into the hand. The dip shit to my left limped as well as did one other before the bb called. The flop was 478 and I lead out with $750 into a 1k pot. Guy to my left raised to 1k so I shoved and he called. The ass hole had 56 of hearts for a straight from the flop. The only way that I could have had a chance at winning that hand would of been to raise 3x the bb from utg. Not sure whether this is a standard bet from that pos but I know for sure I would have won this hand had I raised him out of the pot preflop.
Any thoughts?
jd
Sunday, March 30, 2008
I Re-Newed my Donk Status Last night
I can't frickin believe it, I did it again. Playing in a Satty to the Stars Sunday 100K tourney and I am what I feel is safe but still have a small amount of apprehension as to whether I am good or not. I am dealt AA from the bb and my opponent in the co+1 goes all in. There are 9 more to go out and I have just under 5K in chips. It is only after I call his shove which he had me covered by about 200 chips that I say to myself I am a dumb ass.
The cards are flipped and he shows KK, the board runs 8TJ followed by fourth street of a Q followed by me slipping into the frickin river with a K.....Holy f'in crap. In staring at the screen for the rest of the match I found that I would have easily had over 2.5k in chips as a cushion.
I learned my lesson on this a while back when deal was teaching me the satty strategy where as I had it made in the shade and got dealt AA and decided to go against his advice and played the dam hand. The board went four diamonds and wouldn't you know it he had the fifth diamond to win the hand putting me out with only three to go. Took me hours to stop beating my head against the wall that night.
Oh well, I swore I learned my lesson that night but obv I didn't. So this only goes to confirm that the hardest element of this game is by far the self control aspect. It's one thing to get your chips in when ahead only to deal with the beats you take once in, but it is a completely different thing when playing satty's and knowing your safe and then let ego take you out of the game faster then a donkey pullin a load over your dumb ass.
I sure wish this post was about another cute puppy story but I just had to get this out in the open so to reduce the amount of stress it is putting on that ego saturated brain of mine.
Thx for stopping by. I plan on doing an article on here real soon so check back. I am waiting for one of my buds to do something spectacular so that I can write an article about them. Freddy came so frickin close the other day with his finish for $1700. GG Freddy my man. GG deal as well with all of your success in your wsop and Aruba classic satty's you have been taking down. I can't believe that your taking your wife to Aruba instead of me though....just kidding bud...
jd
The cards are flipped and he shows KK, the board runs 8TJ followed by fourth street of a Q followed by me slipping into the frickin river with a K.....Holy f'in crap. In staring at the screen for the rest of the match I found that I would have easily had over 2.5k in chips as a cushion.
I learned my lesson on this a while back when deal was teaching me the satty strategy where as I had it made in the shade and got dealt AA and decided to go against his advice and played the dam hand. The board went four diamonds and wouldn't you know it he had the fifth diamond to win the hand putting me out with only three to go. Took me hours to stop beating my head against the wall that night.
Oh well, I swore I learned my lesson that night but obv I didn't. So this only goes to confirm that the hardest element of this game is by far the self control aspect. It's one thing to get your chips in when ahead only to deal with the beats you take once in, but it is a completely different thing when playing satty's and knowing your safe and then let ego take you out of the game faster then a donkey pullin a load over your dumb ass.
I sure wish this post was about another cute puppy story but I just had to get this out in the open so to reduce the amount of stress it is putting on that ego saturated brain of mine.
Thx for stopping by. I plan on doing an article on here real soon so check back. I am waiting for one of my buds to do something spectacular so that I can write an article about them. Freddy came so frickin close the other day with his finish for $1700. GG Freddy my man. GG deal as well with all of your success in your wsop and Aruba classic satty's you have been taking down. I can't believe that your taking your wife to Aruba instead of me though....just kidding bud...
jd
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Introducing Tinkerbell.
So last Friday morning Suz and I headed to the airport to pick up her new baby. Yorkshire Terrier. We bought the puppy online from puppydirect.com and could not be happier with the process. Not only is it refined for security, the folks managing the site are totally awesome to work with. They sell puppies from breeders around the country and have the entire process down to a science. They even offer a lifetime guarantee on any puppy purchased through their web site. Here is a pic of the new addition to our household.
As you can see she looks just like me, all cute and shit…. This is Tinkerbell.
New Puppy Dress….$9.80
Price of Puppy……..$2,500.00
Photo of New Puppy………… priceless
As you can see she looks just like me, all cute and shit…. This is Tinkerbell.New Puppy Dress….$9.80
Price of Puppy……..$2,500.00
Photo of New Puppy………… priceless
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
God what a gorgeous smile…
Well Suz and I made it through the weekend but I cannot say it was easy by any means. Hell my gut has ached the entire weekend just observing what she had to go through. Friday was a terrible day for her but when compared to the rest of the weekend it was indeed a cake walk. There was one tooth that when pulled removed a portion of her upper jaw bone. This caused her to have some extreme swelling which started on Saturday. Come Sunday we were forced to call the emergency number for the dentist as her right eye became blacker and blacker by the minute. He set her mind at ease telling her that this was expected with the extreme difficulty he had removing one of the molars.
To give you a visual of what she looked like on Sunday, if you have ever seen a celebrity police snap shot after they have been picked up for a dui, she looked a lot like that. At one point her right cheek looked like she had been in a car wreak. Her right eye looked like she had been hit by Mike Tyson with all of his force. I swear she walked into a door; I never touched her….lol.
Today we are just beginning to see the damage recede. Her eye is starting to turn that brownish orange color now as compared to the red, black, and blue bruised cooler she had over the past three days which would indicate that she is now past the worse of it and should be looking great in a few more days. With all of the swelling she has had it has been difficult to even see her new teeth but when you do see them they are frickin gorgeous white and perfectly straight. She is going to look like a movie star once she gets the chance to fix herself up for the first time, which will be some time next week as my check from the sale of my Mom’s house arrived today and a celebration is being planed even as I type this.
I am also buying her a new puppy that I promised her for her last birthday. She wants a female Yorkie of course at a cost of around $1800 (update… as I was typing this she found the one she wants which resulted in her dbl’ing up to $3000). We are getting the female in an attempt to offset the original cost of the dog by hopefully having a litter or two and selling the offspring. Hey an in home business that she would actually enjoy doing. Nothing gets better then that.
In closing I guess I should begin to use my blog for poker related stuff as well. I started with $20 that was staked to me by my best buddy Deal a little over 5 months ago. I ran steady getting up to as high as $60 and down as low as $12 at one time playing nothing but $1.10 sng’s About a week and a half ago Deal suggested that I try out the $2.20 satty’s, similar to the $5.50r satty’s that he has been owning for the last couple of months. The satty’s I have been playing in start every hour until around 5 pm pst when they start playing every half hour. They are satellites into the Sunday Hundred Grand tourney with a buyin of $11. For every satty I win I go to the main tourney and unreg and the $11 is deposited into my real money account in the form of Tournament Dollars which are used for buyin’s before your cash balance is used.
In the last week and a half I have increased my br to over $170 with an ROI of somewhere around 53%. These tourneys have been like printing your own money. I have found not one match either here on stars or ap that have come close to such an easy variance. These tourneys have turned my slow and painful reduction of br into a steady cash cow. They have truly given me the sense of being a winning player at this most difficult game known as Texas Holden. Not sure how Texas became the State named in this extremely addictive game but gg Texas for pulling that off. My preference would have been California Holdem for sure. I will from this point forward be posting more poker related stuff as this was the intent of my blog in the first place. Every now and then I may post things of a personal nature as I have done the last few days but for the most part Suz and I have overcome one hell of a huge hurdle this week and there probably won’t be that much exciting things to write about as far as we go. My goal now is to get enough money into my account to make my first withdraw. That indeed will be a day to celebrate for sure. It will also be a day that I prove to my darling wife that I can and will become good enough to bring home some extra cash playing poker.
My final words for today’s post are these…. Suzanne my one in a million wife, I love you with all of my heart and cannot wait until your feeling up to our big night out. As always you will no doubt be the best looking gal in the room, however, this time I guarantee you that you will also feel like the best looking gal in the room for sure. Your smile looks like a million bucks baby….Love You Mean It!!!!
JoeDirt
To give you a visual of what she looked like on Sunday, if you have ever seen a celebrity police snap shot after they have been picked up for a dui, she looked a lot like that. At one point her right cheek looked like she had been in a car wreak. Her right eye looked like she had been hit by Mike Tyson with all of his force. I swear she walked into a door; I never touched her….lol.
Today we are just beginning to see the damage recede. Her eye is starting to turn that brownish orange color now as compared to the red, black, and blue bruised cooler she had over the past three days which would indicate that she is now past the worse of it and should be looking great in a few more days. With all of the swelling she has had it has been difficult to even see her new teeth but when you do see them they are frickin gorgeous white and perfectly straight. She is going to look like a movie star once she gets the chance to fix herself up for the first time, which will be some time next week as my check from the sale of my Mom’s house arrived today and a celebration is being planed even as I type this.
I am also buying her a new puppy that I promised her for her last birthday. She wants a female Yorkie of course at a cost of around $1800 (update… as I was typing this she found the one she wants which resulted in her dbl’ing up to $3000). We are getting the female in an attempt to offset the original cost of the dog by hopefully having a litter or two and selling the offspring. Hey an in home business that she would actually enjoy doing. Nothing gets better then that.
In closing I guess I should begin to use my blog for poker related stuff as well. I started with $20 that was staked to me by my best buddy Deal a little over 5 months ago. I ran steady getting up to as high as $60 and down as low as $12 at one time playing nothing but $1.10 sng’s About a week and a half ago Deal suggested that I try out the $2.20 satty’s, similar to the $5.50r satty’s that he has been owning for the last couple of months. The satty’s I have been playing in start every hour until around 5 pm pst when they start playing every half hour. They are satellites into the Sunday Hundred Grand tourney with a buyin of $11. For every satty I win I go to the main tourney and unreg and the $11 is deposited into my real money account in the form of Tournament Dollars which are used for buyin’s before your cash balance is used.
In the last week and a half I have increased my br to over $170 with an ROI of somewhere around 53%. These tourneys have been like printing your own money. I have found not one match either here on stars or ap that have come close to such an easy variance. These tourneys have turned my slow and painful reduction of br into a steady cash cow. They have truly given me the sense of being a winning player at this most difficult game known as Texas Holden. Not sure how Texas became the State named in this extremely addictive game but gg Texas for pulling that off. My preference would have been California Holdem for sure. I will from this point forward be posting more poker related stuff as this was the intent of my blog in the first place. Every now and then I may post things of a personal nature as I have done the last few days but for the most part Suz and I have overcome one hell of a huge hurdle this week and there probably won’t be that much exciting things to write about as far as we go. My goal now is to get enough money into my account to make my first withdraw. That indeed will be a day to celebrate for sure. It will also be a day that I prove to my darling wife that I can and will become good enough to bring home some extra cash playing poker.
My final words for today’s post are these…. Suzanne my one in a million wife, I love you with all of my heart and cannot wait until your feeling up to our big night out. As always you will no doubt be the best looking gal in the room, however, this time I guarantee you that you will also feel like the best looking gal in the room for sure. Your smile looks like a million bucks baby….Love You Mean It!!!!
JoeDirt
Friday, March 14, 2008
Things r lookin up!
First off Brandy came through her surgery with flying colors. In a lot of pain but for the most part the surgery was a great success. She now must change her diet in order to reduce the stress on her stomachs processing abilities but she started yesterday buying more fruits and vegetables so she is now going in the right direction.
Today on the other hand is a very big day for Suzanne and me. She is having all of her upper teeth pulled and replacing them with a denture. She is frickin out big time. She called the dentist yesterday and told them that she was having a melt down and they prescribed her some valium to take last night, one hour before her appointment and to bring the rest with her to her appointment should she need to take another while in the chair. We are two hours before her appointment and she seems to be doing fine at the moment. It could be a very long day for me for sure.
When all is said and done she should look gorgeous (not that she doesn’t now) with her new smile, not to mention the bonus I get once she heals….lol. I have been trying to talk her into this for years now but for her sake not mine btw. I will up date later as to how everything turns out. Wow it was supposed to rain this morning and the sun just now started shinning through the window….Things are truly lookin up….
Today on the other hand is a very big day for Suzanne and me. She is having all of her upper teeth pulled and replacing them with a denture. She is frickin out big time. She called the dentist yesterday and told them that she was having a melt down and they prescribed her some valium to take last night, one hour before her appointment and to bring the rest with her to her appointment should she need to take another while in the chair. We are two hours before her appointment and she seems to be doing fine at the moment. It could be a very long day for me for sure.
When all is said and done she should look gorgeous (not that she doesn’t now) with her new smile, not to mention the bonus I get once she heals….lol. I have been trying to talk her into this for years now but for her sake not mine btw. I will up date later as to how everything turns out. Wow it was supposed to rain this morning and the sun just now started shinning through the window….Things are truly lookin up….
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Brandy's Reply back to me
I reckon it would be appropriate to post my daughters reply back to me to complete the circle of this chapter in my life. I guess I should reveal the matter of which I refereed to in my letter to her regarding Kori so that you will understand what she is referring to in her reply. A couple of months ago I got a phone call from her stating that Kori had punched her during an argument. This was followed by telling her the next day that the next time he would toss her down the stairs. This matter has resulted in some unfinished business between him and I. Her request is typical in situations like this and gives me reason to be more afraid then ever now, but do I respect her request to let it go or continue to think of this incident as unfinished business in my mind. Her reply is as follows:
I LOVE YOU, YOU ARE THE BEST DAD ANY GIRL COULD EVER WANT. WHEN I WAS LITTLE AND MY MOM SENT ME TO YOUR HOUSE I WAS SO UPSET I DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHY MY MOM WAS SENDING ME AWAY TO GO LIVE WITH A MAN THAT I DIDNT EVEN REALLY REMEMBER AT THE TIME BUT IT WAS THE BEST THING MOM MY EVER DID FOR ME TO SEND ME TO LIVE WITH YOU. I KNOW THAT I AM THE PARENT AND WOMEN I AM TODAY BECAUSE OF YOU. PEOPLE CANT UNDERSTAND WHY WHEN SOMETHING HAPPENS IN MY LIFE I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOVE ANYONE ELSE, ITS BECAUSE I KNOW THAT YOU WILL TELL ME THE TRUTH NO MATER IF ITS NOT WHAT I WANT TO HEAR AND I KNOW THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME EVEN IF ITS JUST A PHONE CONVERSATION. THOSE PHONE CONVERSATIONS MEAN SO MUCH TO ME. I KNOW THAT AT ANYTIME YOU ARE JUST A PHONE CALL AWAY. THERE IS ONE THING I DO NEED TO ASK OF YOU AND I KNOW THAT THIS WILL BE HARD IS THAT YOU SAY NOTHING TO KORI WE HAVE MOVED PASS THAT AND BOTH OF US ARE TRYING TO CHANGE IN SOME WAY SO THAT WE CAN JUST LOVE EACH OTHER AND RASE OUR GIRLS. I KNOW THAT YOU ARE UPSET ABOUT WHAT HE DID TO ME AND AS A FATHER YOU WANT TO TEAR HIM A NEW ASS HOLE, BUT I HAVE FORGAVE HIM AND WE ARE JUST TRYING TO LEARN HOW TO FIGHT WITHOUT IT GOING TO FAR AND WE ARE DOING GOOD. I FEEL THAT IF YOU WHERE TO SAY SOMETHING TO HIM IT WOULD NOT ONLY MAKE IT UNCOMFERTABLE BETWEEN YOU TWO, BUT ALSO UPSET MY MARRAGE. I LOVE YOU DAD AND I KNOW THAT YOU ARE ONLY THINKING OF ME BUT I ASK YOU PLEASE DON'T SAY ANYTHING AND DONT HATE HIM BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH HE DID SO MUCH TO ME HE IS A REALLY GOOD HUSBAND. NOT MANY MEN WOULD OF STUCK NEXT TO ME LIKE HE HAS THROUGH EVERYTHING I HAVE TO GO THROUGH WITH THE TUMOR AND ALL THE MEDICAL PROUBLEMS I HAVE. PLUS HE IS A REALLY GOOD FATHER. HE STILL HAS SOME GROWING UP TO DO BUT SO DO I AND WE ARE GOING TO GROW AND LEARN TOGETHER. I LOVE YOU DAD MORE THAN ANYTHING!!!
I LOVE YOU, YOU ARE THE BEST DAD ANY GIRL COULD EVER WANT. WHEN I WAS LITTLE AND MY MOM SENT ME TO YOUR HOUSE I WAS SO UPSET I DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHY MY MOM WAS SENDING ME AWAY TO GO LIVE WITH A MAN THAT I DIDNT EVEN REALLY REMEMBER AT THE TIME BUT IT WAS THE BEST THING MOM MY EVER DID FOR ME TO SEND ME TO LIVE WITH YOU. I KNOW THAT I AM THE PARENT AND WOMEN I AM TODAY BECAUSE OF YOU. PEOPLE CANT UNDERSTAND WHY WHEN SOMETHING HAPPENS IN MY LIFE I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOVE ANYONE ELSE, ITS BECAUSE I KNOW THAT YOU WILL TELL ME THE TRUTH NO MATER IF ITS NOT WHAT I WANT TO HEAR AND I KNOW THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME EVEN IF ITS JUST A PHONE CONVERSATION. THOSE PHONE CONVERSATIONS MEAN SO MUCH TO ME. I KNOW THAT AT ANYTIME YOU ARE JUST A PHONE CALL AWAY. THERE IS ONE THING I DO NEED TO ASK OF YOU AND I KNOW THAT THIS WILL BE HARD IS THAT YOU SAY NOTHING TO KORI WE HAVE MOVED PASS THAT AND BOTH OF US ARE TRYING TO CHANGE IN SOME WAY SO THAT WE CAN JUST LOVE EACH OTHER AND RASE OUR GIRLS. I KNOW THAT YOU ARE UPSET ABOUT WHAT HE DID TO ME AND AS A FATHER YOU WANT TO TEAR HIM A NEW ASS HOLE, BUT I HAVE FORGAVE HIM AND WE ARE JUST TRYING TO LEARN HOW TO FIGHT WITHOUT IT GOING TO FAR AND WE ARE DOING GOOD. I FEEL THAT IF YOU WHERE TO SAY SOMETHING TO HIM IT WOULD NOT ONLY MAKE IT UNCOMFERTABLE BETWEEN YOU TWO, BUT ALSO UPSET MY MARRAGE. I LOVE YOU DAD AND I KNOW THAT YOU ARE ONLY THINKING OF ME BUT I ASK YOU PLEASE DON'T SAY ANYTHING AND DONT HATE HIM BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH HE DID SO MUCH TO ME HE IS A REALLY GOOD HUSBAND. NOT MANY MEN WOULD OF STUCK NEXT TO ME LIKE HE HAS THROUGH EVERYTHING I HAVE TO GO THROUGH WITH THE TUMOR AND ALL THE MEDICAL PROUBLEMS I HAVE. PLUS HE IS A REALLY GOOD FATHER. HE STILL HAS SOME GROWING UP TO DO BUT SO DO I AND WE ARE GOING TO GROW AND LEARN TOGETHER. I LOVE YOU DAD MORE THAN ANYTHING!!!
Monday, March 10, 2008
A Daughter Father Relationship
It is very clear that I am unsure as to what to place in my blog when considering what I am about to post today. This morning for some reason I am thinking of my blog as a place to post things that are important to me personally. After all it is my blog. If I wish to use it as a personal journal so be it. I have struggled with the posting of this content today because it has to do with some pretty dam personal stuff. However; a blog will never ever become famous or popular without something interesting to read even if that content exposes your private family and personal matters. Besides, Suzanne, Deal and Freddy are the only ones that will probably read this anyway, however I think I just came up with a fourth reader that being my daughter. There are however things in this post that I should not share with Deal or Freddy but I decided to post it anyway. If it changes our friendship then so be it. I am who I am. I may have been a little misdirected at times in my life but I am certainly not ashamed of how I have lived it. My Wife and my Daughter love me very much and are by far the two most important people in my life. To hurt either of them would be cause to stop living and that isn't happening anytime soon that I know of.
So here it is: My daughter is have gallbladder surgery on Wednesday and I cannot be there to help her through it. She shared a song by Carrie Underwood with me called All American Girl (which if interested you can here at cmt.com, search for Carrie Underwood all American girl and watch the video) which the words describe the relationship that my daughter and I have. This morning after listening to it I had to take some time to both get her ready for her surgery and to ease the pain I have inside of me for not being able to be there for her. Although the letter sounds like it is meant to ease her mind, it is truly to help me reduce the guilt I have inside for not being there for her during this time. I will paste it here now and end this post without any further comment. Just know that I have allowed the whole dam world to enter my life in a most personal way and I hope like hell that I never regret doing so...... The letter is as follows:
Thank You All American Girl. That song says it all it.
I need to now take some time to get you ready for your surgery. First and foremost, you need to understand (which I feel confident that you do) if there was anyway that I could be there without the fear of falling completely off of the cliff edge I would. I am so close to failure at the moment I can’t stand myself. Some say that all things happen as they do for a reason. I have lived my life not buying into those beliefs but as I continue to grow older that belief continues to creep into my head over and over again. With the Title Company moving back the closing date until the 20th it may very well be another setup for me to go out and spend money I don’t have only to find out it falls through or gets pushed back yet again. Who knows that could already be planned to happen for a reason, but I know one thing, until the money is in my hands I am not sure of anything anymore. Had Mom’s house closed escrow today I could have easily been on a plane tomorrow and been by your side for this scary event your about to go through. My biggest fear is that something is still yet to go wrong and if this deal does not close on the 20th I am in deep shit. I can only last to the end of this month before I cannot pay my mortgage let alone put food on the table.
I was awarded a contract job over three months ago that has yet to start which I gave up waiting on over a month ago. I could have easily had a job by now but I was stupid and continued to smoke the pot thinking that Mom’s house will sell and I would get my money with no problems. Then the pot became a continuous thing where as I was smoking it to hide from the depression. At any rate, I quite smoking pot about a month ago now and can now seek employment without fears of failing a drug test which I found is required anywhere you try to get a job at. This has been by far one of the stupidest things I have allowed myself to let happen. Never again!
I have to share something with you. There was this one day just after I rented the house on Eaton Ct. and you were due to move in with me the following week. A single guy with a drinking habit taking on a four year old was the scariest thing I think that I have ever had to deal with in my life. My new car had just been repossessed, I had just written a bad check for the house rental, and I had been using the u-haul with all of my stuff in it to drive around to look for houses which I didn’t have the money to pay for all the mileage that I had raked up. I found myself sitting in an empty house drinking beer I couldn’t afford to buy and the thought came to mind that all I need do was to walk over the over pass next to the house into the black area only blocks away and find a group of coloreds and say the right things to get myself killed. I didn’t own a gun so this seemed better then jumping off the overpass into on coming traffic. I deserved to feel the pain of a long slow death. I had wished that I could just go to sleep and never wake up but I knew that was not possible. I did fall asleep and woke up the next morning and got into the truck to take it back to the u-haul place where I was going to have to write this huge check for all the mileage of which there was no money in the bank to pay. When I got there they went out to write down the mileage for my bill and didn’t come back. I looked out the window and there were 5 people who worked there all crawling under the truck looking around. When they finally came back in they asked me what I had did to the truck. As it was I was suppose to have the truck brought back a week earlier but had all of my stuff in it with no place to stay so it was almost two weeks since I had rented it. They said the mileage was only 50 miles from what it was when it left the day I picked it up. They could not find anything that I did to the truck so they could only say that the speedometer broke on its own and I was only charged for the 50 miles. Hell I had filled up the gas tank at least three times during the two weeks I had the truck.
Something good finally happened for once. That night I sat in the house starring at nothing but boxes and I learned a life’s lesson. That was that tomorrow will always come no matter how bad things seem to be. Even the most impossible things seem to work themselves out no matter what. Things that we are responsible for will always be taken care of either by yourself or someone else. There is always another family member or friend that will pick up the slack even if it means putting themselves out. The loved ones that we would like to have around us during the worse of times can’t always be there for us once we have grown up and moved on with life. I was reminded of this after Mom died as well. I do not have a parent there for me for the rest of my life now. Everything I have to deal with from that day forward will have to done without them and no matter what, tomorrow will come and all my needs will be met one way or another, even if that means going that path all on my own.
Just know this you All American Girl, I have researched the operation that you are about to have on Wednesday and it is not life threatening. It is a routine operation of which you stand no chance at dieing from. If this was an operation of which there was a measurable amount of risk I would become homeless and live in a box without ever giving it a thought to be by your side even if that meant riding a 10 speed all the way to New Mexico. I would jump in my car and give blow jobs for gas money if that was the only way that I could get there. Being without me or your mom for this surgery only forces your family there to be a real family. Kori’s parents would never ever let their grand kids down at a time like this in fear that there is a chance that the kids would hate them for it. You are a true friend to your closest friends and do enough for them that they too can help you out during this horrible event.
My gut feeling tells me that they will be successful at performing this procedure with the laparoscopic technique and that you will come through this in flying colors. Should anything go wrong during the procedure and Kori calls me telling me that it is dire that I be there I will find a way to get there as fast as I can. I do have enough miles left to get one ticket anywhere I have to go but I have pretty much reserved that to be used in an emergency such as being forced to fly to be by your side or for suz to fly to one of her daughter’s sides in an emergency. If anything does go wrong and I am forced to come there I will have to face Kori with this huge feeling of hate that I have for him now and a confrontation will have to occur. Whether it is next week or years from now he has to answer to me for what he did to you. I will not forgive or forget this until which time I see him again, there is just no way around this.
So All American Girl, you keep your thoughts on good things and start planning your new diet. With what I have learned about losing your gallbladder you cannot eat fatty, high in cholesterol or junk food ever again. The bile that is produced by the gallbladder typically enables us to eat those foods without fear but when it is not there to produce the acids that dissolves those foods your stuck with eating good healthy foods like vegetables, potatoes or pasta and things like chicken or fish. This is very important.
I love you baby and will be on the edge of my seat waiting for the phone call telling me that everything went excellent. Make sure you work with the girls to get them ready for the things that they need to do to help you for the next week or two. Tape lists on their bedroom walls that they must do everyday no matter what. Promise them that once you are feeling better that they will be rewarded for all of the extra things they have had to do. Chucky Cheese or an afternoon doing something that they don’t get to do very often and love to do is a must. Tell them that they have to act all grown up for the next week or two and show Mom the love that she shows them every single day. It’s their turn to be a mom for a week and mom gets to be their child to take care of and love like their own. Kind of like reversing rolls for a week.
I hope that I have been able to help in some small way to cope with the weeks to come. I have not abandoned you baby and will be there in an instant if anything goes wrong I promise. Take the time to ensure that everyone there has there assignments for the next couple of weeks and make sure that there is nothing expected of you for that entire time. Everything that you do on a daily basis must be done by someone else. The time you spend planning and thinking of who is a perfect fit for that particular job will keep your mind busy until Wednesday. Keeping your mind busy thinking of those things will help to keep you from thinking of the scary things. Everything will be just fine I promise.
I Love You All American Girl and thanks for sharing the song with me. It made my heart swell and reminds me of just how special you are to me. Remember our motto; “It’s You and Me against the world Baby, now and forever”….
Love Dad
So here it is: My daughter is have gallbladder surgery on Wednesday and I cannot be there to help her through it. She shared a song by Carrie Underwood with me called All American Girl (which if interested you can here at cmt.com, search for Carrie Underwood all American girl and watch the video) which the words describe the relationship that my daughter and I have. This morning after listening to it I had to take some time to both get her ready for her surgery and to ease the pain I have inside of me for not being able to be there for her. Although the letter sounds like it is meant to ease her mind, it is truly to help me reduce the guilt I have inside for not being there for her during this time. I will paste it here now and end this post without any further comment. Just know that I have allowed the whole dam world to enter my life in a most personal way and I hope like hell that I never regret doing so...... The letter is as follows:
Thank You All American Girl. That song says it all it.
I need to now take some time to get you ready for your surgery. First and foremost, you need to understand (which I feel confident that you do) if there was anyway that I could be there without the fear of falling completely off of the cliff edge I would. I am so close to failure at the moment I can’t stand myself. Some say that all things happen as they do for a reason. I have lived my life not buying into those beliefs but as I continue to grow older that belief continues to creep into my head over and over again. With the Title Company moving back the closing date until the 20th it may very well be another setup for me to go out and spend money I don’t have only to find out it falls through or gets pushed back yet again. Who knows that could already be planned to happen for a reason, but I know one thing, until the money is in my hands I am not sure of anything anymore. Had Mom’s house closed escrow today I could have easily been on a plane tomorrow and been by your side for this scary event your about to go through. My biggest fear is that something is still yet to go wrong and if this deal does not close on the 20th I am in deep shit. I can only last to the end of this month before I cannot pay my mortgage let alone put food on the table.
I was awarded a contract job over three months ago that has yet to start which I gave up waiting on over a month ago. I could have easily had a job by now but I was stupid and continued to smoke the pot thinking that Mom’s house will sell and I would get my money with no problems. Then the pot became a continuous thing where as I was smoking it to hide from the depression. At any rate, I quite smoking pot about a month ago now and can now seek employment without fears of failing a drug test which I found is required anywhere you try to get a job at. This has been by far one of the stupidest things I have allowed myself to let happen. Never again!
I have to share something with you. There was this one day just after I rented the house on Eaton Ct. and you were due to move in with me the following week. A single guy with a drinking habit taking on a four year old was the scariest thing I think that I have ever had to deal with in my life. My new car had just been repossessed, I had just written a bad check for the house rental, and I had been using the u-haul with all of my stuff in it to drive around to look for houses which I didn’t have the money to pay for all the mileage that I had raked up. I found myself sitting in an empty house drinking beer I couldn’t afford to buy and the thought came to mind that all I need do was to walk over the over pass next to the house into the black area only blocks away and find a group of coloreds and say the right things to get myself killed. I didn’t own a gun so this seemed better then jumping off the overpass into on coming traffic. I deserved to feel the pain of a long slow death. I had wished that I could just go to sleep and never wake up but I knew that was not possible. I did fall asleep and woke up the next morning and got into the truck to take it back to the u-haul place where I was going to have to write this huge check for all the mileage of which there was no money in the bank to pay. When I got there they went out to write down the mileage for my bill and didn’t come back. I looked out the window and there were 5 people who worked there all crawling under the truck looking around. When they finally came back in they asked me what I had did to the truck. As it was I was suppose to have the truck brought back a week earlier but had all of my stuff in it with no place to stay so it was almost two weeks since I had rented it. They said the mileage was only 50 miles from what it was when it left the day I picked it up. They could not find anything that I did to the truck so they could only say that the speedometer broke on its own and I was only charged for the 50 miles. Hell I had filled up the gas tank at least three times during the two weeks I had the truck.
Something good finally happened for once. That night I sat in the house starring at nothing but boxes and I learned a life’s lesson. That was that tomorrow will always come no matter how bad things seem to be. Even the most impossible things seem to work themselves out no matter what. Things that we are responsible for will always be taken care of either by yourself or someone else. There is always another family member or friend that will pick up the slack even if it means putting themselves out. The loved ones that we would like to have around us during the worse of times can’t always be there for us once we have grown up and moved on with life. I was reminded of this after Mom died as well. I do not have a parent there for me for the rest of my life now. Everything I have to deal with from that day forward will have to done without them and no matter what, tomorrow will come and all my needs will be met one way or another, even if that means going that path all on my own.
Just know this you All American Girl, I have researched the operation that you are about to have on Wednesday and it is not life threatening. It is a routine operation of which you stand no chance at dieing from. If this was an operation of which there was a measurable amount of risk I would become homeless and live in a box without ever giving it a thought to be by your side even if that meant riding a 10 speed all the way to New Mexico. I would jump in my car and give blow jobs for gas money if that was the only way that I could get there. Being without me or your mom for this surgery only forces your family there to be a real family. Kori’s parents would never ever let their grand kids down at a time like this in fear that there is a chance that the kids would hate them for it. You are a true friend to your closest friends and do enough for them that they too can help you out during this horrible event.
My gut feeling tells me that they will be successful at performing this procedure with the laparoscopic technique and that you will come through this in flying colors. Should anything go wrong during the procedure and Kori calls me telling me that it is dire that I be there I will find a way to get there as fast as I can. I do have enough miles left to get one ticket anywhere I have to go but I have pretty much reserved that to be used in an emergency such as being forced to fly to be by your side or for suz to fly to one of her daughter’s sides in an emergency. If anything does go wrong and I am forced to come there I will have to face Kori with this huge feeling of hate that I have for him now and a confrontation will have to occur. Whether it is next week or years from now he has to answer to me for what he did to you. I will not forgive or forget this until which time I see him again, there is just no way around this.
So All American Girl, you keep your thoughts on good things and start planning your new diet. With what I have learned about losing your gallbladder you cannot eat fatty, high in cholesterol or junk food ever again. The bile that is produced by the gallbladder typically enables us to eat those foods without fear but when it is not there to produce the acids that dissolves those foods your stuck with eating good healthy foods like vegetables, potatoes or pasta and things like chicken or fish. This is very important.
I love you baby and will be on the edge of my seat waiting for the phone call telling me that everything went excellent. Make sure you work with the girls to get them ready for the things that they need to do to help you for the next week or two. Tape lists on their bedroom walls that they must do everyday no matter what. Promise them that once you are feeling better that they will be rewarded for all of the extra things they have had to do. Chucky Cheese or an afternoon doing something that they don’t get to do very often and love to do is a must. Tell them that they have to act all grown up for the next week or two and show Mom the love that she shows them every single day. It’s their turn to be a mom for a week and mom gets to be their child to take care of and love like their own. Kind of like reversing rolls for a week.
I hope that I have been able to help in some small way to cope with the weeks to come. I have not abandoned you baby and will be there in an instant if anything goes wrong I promise. Take the time to ensure that everyone there has there assignments for the next couple of weeks and make sure that there is nothing expected of you for that entire time. Everything that you do on a daily basis must be done by someone else. The time you spend planning and thinking of who is a perfect fit for that particular job will keep your mind busy until Wednesday. Keeping your mind busy thinking of those things will help to keep you from thinking of the scary things. Everything will be just fine I promise.
I Love You All American Girl and thanks for sharing the song with me. It made my heart swell and reminds me of just how special you are to me. Remember our motto; “It’s You and Me against the world Baby, now and forever”….
Love Dad
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Blog Dog In The House
I have noticed recently that blog's and poker go hand in hand. In order to be added to someone's buddy list on their poker blog you must first have a blog... go figure. Although that is not my primary reason for starting a blog, I also have noticed that once you begin winning some cash at the tables you get this feeling from deep inside yourself that begins to want to push this blog idea out into the open, again not my main reason for starting a blog. There is a chance that once you start winning there could very well be something someone would like to hear you talk about, but not my primary reason for starting a blog.
My main reason for starting a blog is because all of the great players along with every other tom dick and hairy have their own blog's and besides I wanted to look really cool for my wife and daughter....lol.
Throughout the last year and a half since starting my poker hobby (yes hobby cause you got to win to be in) I have hung out at a few forums and forced my long winded posts on more then just a few undeserving souls. I have this problem with getting way deeper into a subject then most would ever allow themselves to do. Even the smallest of points tend to run well over a page in length. However, I have had a tremendous amount of positive feedback regarding the style in which I write.
So for some time now I have thought of starting a blog just to see what kind of draw it would actually bring. I just didn't have a subject in which to use to start the dam thing, but now In the last couple of days I have finally found a subject to write about, that being me and the unbelievable change that my BR has experience.
I have played hold-em for going on 15 months now. My play has never once had a lick of confidence at the tables. I haven't lost a lot of money in comparison to most peoples standards other then my lovely wife Suzanne's, but all in all I have remained a losing player for this entire time. I have placed high in a few mtt's, remained constant at sng's for months on end working a window of about twenty to thirty dollar plus and minus, but never found a level in which I could consistently over time increase my BR on a gradual basis.
That was not until this last Friday. I should mention that my two closest poker buddy's are Dealace1 or Dealisup and Freddy James. Deal is my primary mentor of whom works with me on a daily basis to improve my skills at the tables. Freddy is a very close and dear friend of whom I feel like I have known all my life. Anyway, in watching deal over the last couple of months just killing the Stars Satty's there, where as once you win a satty you are automatically entered into a larger weekly tournement of which exclusive to stars online poker site you can unregister from the bigger tourney you just qualified for and the buyin is place into your poker account in the form of Tournement Dollars. Tournement Dollars cannot be withdrawn the same as cash but do however pay for any and all buyins before using the actual cash balance from your real money poker account. This restriction does require you to convert T$ into cash should you wish to make a withdraw and that is done by entering and placing in the money in sng's or mtt's.
At anyrate, Deal got me to understand that if I were to qualify two satty's out of every five I played in I would begin to see an increase in my BR. The cost of the Satty is only a dollar more then the buck twenty sng's I have been playing for months of which I continue to swing up and down the same $30 month after month. I took his advice and lost the first two I tried. The change occured on Friday when my lovely wife recommended that I go in and make her some money. She never invites me to play guilt free poker so she never saw me the rest of the day. I entered satty after satty, on Friday and finished 4 out of 6 matches ftw. This was followed by a Saturday Afternoon session of 7 matches, winning 5 of those. So the only way that I could get the excitement out of my head was to distract myself and start this blog, which has already gone long enough for the first post, thus the reason for the change in gears here.
If anything this will be my place to come and log things of importance, clear my mind, and rant like hell when I start losing all of the momentun I have recently gathered. As of this moment I am not even sure whether I will even tell many that it exists. Deal will be the only poor sap that I am sure will stop by to see what the hell I said about him, which once you get to this line buddy, please know that I have appreciated and will continue to appreciate every minute of time you invest in me. I may be slow at times but I have started placing the yellow sticky notes on my monitor as suggested. Eventually I will get it and you will begin to feel the satisfaction of bringing a donkey to the rodeo.
That is all, check back in a year or two because I have learned from all my buddys blogs that it takes some time for this to catch on and receive the updates on a regular basis. I will do my best but then again my Beautiful Wife comes first, followed by my friends and then poker. My wife has suggested that a Job should begin following immdiately after her but I haven't bought into that yet.
Thx for stopping by and hope to see you again.....jd
My main reason for starting a blog is because all of the great players along with every other tom dick and hairy have their own blog's and besides I wanted to look really cool for my wife and daughter....lol.
Throughout the last year and a half since starting my poker hobby (yes hobby cause you got to win to be in) I have hung out at a few forums and forced my long winded posts on more then just a few undeserving souls. I have this problem with getting way deeper into a subject then most would ever allow themselves to do. Even the smallest of points tend to run well over a page in length. However, I have had a tremendous amount of positive feedback regarding the style in which I write.
So for some time now I have thought of starting a blog just to see what kind of draw it would actually bring. I just didn't have a subject in which to use to start the dam thing, but now In the last couple of days I have finally found a subject to write about, that being me and the unbelievable change that my BR has experience.
I have played hold-em for going on 15 months now. My play has never once had a lick of confidence at the tables. I haven't lost a lot of money in comparison to most peoples standards other then my lovely wife Suzanne's, but all in all I have remained a losing player for this entire time. I have placed high in a few mtt's, remained constant at sng's for months on end working a window of about twenty to thirty dollar plus and minus, but never found a level in which I could consistently over time increase my BR on a gradual basis.
That was not until this last Friday. I should mention that my two closest poker buddy's are Dealace1 or Dealisup and Freddy James. Deal is my primary mentor of whom works with me on a daily basis to improve my skills at the tables. Freddy is a very close and dear friend of whom I feel like I have known all my life. Anyway, in watching deal over the last couple of months just killing the Stars Satty's there, where as once you win a satty you are automatically entered into a larger weekly tournement of which exclusive to stars online poker site you can unregister from the bigger tourney you just qualified for and the buyin is place into your poker account in the form of Tournement Dollars. Tournement Dollars cannot be withdrawn the same as cash but do however pay for any and all buyins before using the actual cash balance from your real money poker account. This restriction does require you to convert T$ into cash should you wish to make a withdraw and that is done by entering and placing in the money in sng's or mtt's.
At anyrate, Deal got me to understand that if I were to qualify two satty's out of every five I played in I would begin to see an increase in my BR. The cost of the Satty is only a dollar more then the buck twenty sng's I have been playing for months of which I continue to swing up and down the same $30 month after month. I took his advice and lost the first two I tried. The change occured on Friday when my lovely wife recommended that I go in and make her some money. She never invites me to play guilt free poker so she never saw me the rest of the day. I entered satty after satty, on Friday and finished 4 out of 6 matches ftw. This was followed by a Saturday Afternoon session of 7 matches, winning 5 of those. So the only way that I could get the excitement out of my head was to distract myself and start this blog, which has already gone long enough for the first post, thus the reason for the change in gears here.
If anything this will be my place to come and log things of importance, clear my mind, and rant like hell when I start losing all of the momentun I have recently gathered. As of this moment I am not even sure whether I will even tell many that it exists. Deal will be the only poor sap that I am sure will stop by to see what the hell I said about him, which once you get to this line buddy, please know that I have appreciated and will continue to appreciate every minute of time you invest in me. I may be slow at times but I have started placing the yellow sticky notes on my monitor as suggested. Eventually I will get it and you will begin to feel the satisfaction of bringing a donkey to the rodeo.
That is all, check back in a year or two because I have learned from all my buddys blogs that it takes some time for this to catch on and receive the updates on a regular basis. I will do my best but then again my Beautiful Wife comes first, followed by my friends and then poker. My wife has suggested that a Job should begin following immdiately after her but I haven't bought into that yet.
Thx for stopping by and hope to see you again.....jd
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