Have we lost one of the greats?

Well I just went over to Freddy's blog today and found that it has either been closed or restricted. This concerns me big time. I chatted with Freddy today for well over an hour or two and boy did I have allot to say. It reminded me of my getting stoned days where as you get really deep into thought and try to figure out the meaning of life. At any rate I was able to express some of the reasons I feel that he needs to pack up his shit and come to America but he still seems hesitant. All I know is that Suzanne and I have pretty much happily put some plans that we just came up with last week on hold in order to fulfill our promise of showing Freddy around America as well as work on our goal of working on his depression.

Suzanne and I have become so very close with Freddy in the last few months. Suzanne went from never ever using IM Chat to spending hours in her office chatting with Freddy so we both feel that we have known Freddy for many years now and have pretty much had to sit by and watch his life continue to spiral downward on a daily basis. Day after day Suzanne and I watched as his spirit was being eaten away resulting in his only working harder and harder, giving even more of himself looking for the end of the negative swing that everyone around him assured him was there.

I can only imagine the tremendously empty feeling that he must have in the pit of his stomach on a daily basis after going from such a profitable professional poker player, making every single penny of his income through grinding a huge number of hours each week sitting in the same uncomfortable chair hour after hour day after day month after month playing poker and having pretty much the lead way to make as much or as little as he needed to fulfill his lifestyle and reward himself just enough to start it all over again the following week. He is by far the most goal oriented individual that I have ever come across in the poker community, every Sunday planning his week, setting his weekly hours and calculating to within a few dollars his weekly take home pay, and for years achieving the expected results each and every time without fail. I feel that now something has changed and no matter what he try’s to do to fix the problem it only seems to grow worse. In this case the years of experience has been his worst enemy, well that and coupled with the fact that all of his closest friends are also poker players who have all come to understand that no matter what, a bad swing will eventually bottom out and return to normal just as sure as the sun will shine tomorrow. Not sure that I believe that as a rule etched in stone any more and I am certain that Freddy has second thoughts about that rule as well.

I definitely feel that his game is broken and have railed Freddy hundreds of times in the last few months and I too notice the plain and simple fact that his game has turned so fucking unlucky that there just seems to be some outside powers at work here. Lord knows that he has tried to fix the problem in every imaginable way possible and even has had a strong pool to pull from leaving no shortage of suggestions coming from some pretty dam great players all with negative results. Now you take all of this and consider that not one individual that he comes into contact with on a daily basis has suggested that he quite playing poker and get a real job, all except for my wife but she would just a soon see poker go away forever anyway. Each and every individual pleaded with Freddy to not just walk away from his poker and to just hang in there until it turns around, of which they all promise will happen eventually. Hell Freddy and Deal are the ones that have taught me this rule of the game.

Wow that was a lot of writing just to get to my point that this has to be the reason for shutting down his blog, not playing one hand of poker in four days now, and walking a thin line to fading into the woodwork never to be heard from again. I feel that Freddy will indeed survive and do what ever it takes to not end up homeless. I am just sorry that I, one of his closest friends never opened up my eyes until now and continued to push him on and on and on and on to keep at it well beyond the stopping point, or more appropriately the point of no return. Freddy told me over a week ago that he had really done it now and had no idea what the hell he was going to do now. Hell that could very well have been two weeks ago. I am so blind.

Freddy my man I am here for you brother, oops my bad, Suzanne and I are here for you brother. Please do not just disappear from all of the people who love you bro. Allow us all or at least Suzanne and I to join you on your path back to the land of sanity where the simple things are all we need to be happy. I know you probably feel pretty darn defeated, beat up, unsure of what to do and when, or whether you are even capable of doing anything at all without falling square on your ass, but just know I have been there before as well (and not to sound so sure that things will get better, similar to the same thing everyone said about the reversal of your down swing) and can assure you, no wait, I feel confident when I say that tomorrow will still come no matter what and by taking baby steps at first you will find the confidence to widen your stride in time. Tomorrow is the first day of a new direction my friend of which I would love to explore along with you, not in front of you nor behind but with you step for step side by side, for once we get to where ever we are going we both will be stronger and wiser and ready to take on anything that this dam life can throw at us in the future.

Luv u my Brother!

Steve and Suzanne